tl19570401-000 ";. a Birdkins Flies Kite Booze an' Brawls Enliven Dorm Life April Day celebrations exceeded normal limits on campus this Year, as drinking parties and pillow fights kept President Birdkins sorely pressed at keeping order. Mob wars took place as students fought for snacks at the campus bar. Drunken brawls grew in number and violence as the celebrations gained impetus. Threats of the normal disciplinary methods, such as sentences of thirty days in the library or K.P. duty in the cafeteria, failed. Realizing that he was outnumbered, President Birdkins called for reinforcements from A.A. These staunch fellows attempted, in vain, to pass beyond the continual barrage of pillows that flew from open windows, and finally withdrew forces. Absolutely nothing would calm the campus boys, and the admin-istration decided to confine them to their dorms, hoping that they would sober up. The boys, however, sent word to the girls and set up a booze-by-helicopter service, only to be spotted by hawk-eye Birdkins. Using great ingenuity, the boys resorted to the modern do-it-your-self trend, and the dorms' bathtubs were emptied of their normal con-tents � old tennis rackets, umbrellas, and chicken wire � and re-filled with a unique brew made from ground roots and grasses, well fermented. President Birdkins, in desperation, called in a psychiatrist to ana-lyse the situation. Using logic, this man soon conceived of an idea. ""Pres,"" he said, ""these kids are high; the only way you can get through to them is by going even higher."" The President pondered the thought and agreed to try it. Bright and early the next morning, before the party-goers had gotten to bed, he climbed to the top of the highest hill on campus and released a kite into the breeze. Engraved upon this high-flyer were the historic words, ""Honi soit qui mal y pense sub rosa,"" which means, ""Come down to earth, you nervous cats, or I'll dish out double cuts tomorrow."" This blood-curdling announcement did have an effect upon the most conservative and conscientious of the group, and they began to attend some classes and eat their meals instead of drinking them. The Pres-ident began to feel confident of success. Such disloyalty in the ranks infuriated the party members who Were still going strong. Thence began a series of pillow fights and water battles reminiscent of the Whig and Tory disagreements in English history. Ocassionally an innocent day hop was also dragged into the battle and brutally pillowed. Instead of quieting and ending, the riotous celebrations mush-roomed into true chaos. Realizing at last that the old maxim is true, President Birdkins turned his footsteps toward the boys' dormitories, defeated by 'em, but willing to join 'em. I Rush To The New Dorm No wonder there is such excite-ment about the new dormitory. Have you heard about some of its outstanding features? Private telephones and televi-sion sets are being installed in each room by electrical experts from the science department, Mr. COX and Mr. Pelham. For those who don't get up in time for breakfast, Miss Wasson has arranged for a breakfast of coffee and donuts to be served from 9 to 10 A.M. every morning. The ultra-modern swimming Pool in the basement equipped for ice-skating in the winter was, of Course, the idea of Dr. Bize. The Closets, designed and measured by Mr. Pollack, will be room length With sliding doors. Full length Mirrors were also suggested by Miss Daniels to help the girls with their posture exercises. A complete hi-fi set is being in-stalled with records contributed by Mr. Duro. Miss Weyforth is very happy over the baby grand piano placed in the foyer � dozens of tuning forks have been sent free by the Baldwin Piano Company. The English Department is also Contributing portable typewriters '4or each room to help students write their term papers. Dean Murphy and Dr. Tansil have agreed to take care of a dog kennel in case any students wish to keep their animals on campus. Dr. Mueller kindly consented to provide genuine Egyptian abaci for all math students. All in all it looks like college life will be much more luxurious next year. You don't believe all this � the biggest surprise is yet to come! In order to allow the students time to enjoy all these new facil-ities, the Attendance Committee is doubling the cut system. See bulletin boards for this official no-tice. (Janitation Continued) ter Set of Tinker-Toys in Mr. Pol-lack's desk. These findings en-couraged us to look for more but the morning was growing old and our chances of being caught be-came too great . . ."" So there you are, after all this time -- two stories that have been lost now coming to attention. But the mystery still persists. We ask : Who has that revealing note-book now and where is Penny Zang? Janitation Dept. Uncover Baffling Campus Mysteries Now it can be told! Two stories of campus discoveries have been lying in a shroud of mystery until the light on these stories. Both discoveries occurred during the Christmas vacation. Though this news may be late, it will be a shocking thing to read and to re-alize that all this has taken place before your very noses. On December 23, 1956 a member of the Janitation Department was making 'a routine inspection tour through the tunnel used on Spook Night. He heard a low moan com-ing from a dark corner. He turned his flashlight to investigate the cause of the unearthly sound. To his amazement this is what the probing pointer of light revealed; there in a dank, dark corner hud-dled a creature. Its rags were smeared with grease, mud, and soot. Its disheveled hair hung in amatte d tangle. Its dark, beady, little eyes, set in the hollow-cheeked face, showed the indelible marks of horror and fear. A faded, dirt-smeared sign hung down the bank of this pitiful piece of hu-manity. It read, 'I am a lowly Spook. My name is Penny Zang."" The second discovery was also made by the Janitation Depart-ment. A notebook was found in Richmond parlor. The book con-tained the detailed record of the actions of one of the Spook Day wrecking crews. The revealing section of this book pertained to discoveries of strange and unusual items in the desks and offices of our Faculty Members. Here is the direct excerpt from that book. ""We hit the Ad building early this morning. In Dr. Beishlag's desk we found 281 ceramic worms. A search of Dr. Matthews' office revealed $4,251,000 in Confederate money. A book entitled ""How to Live Alone and Like It."" by Greta Garbo, was found in Dr. Bevins' library, which also included a vol-ume called ""The Hermit's Re-venge."" A beautiful leather-bound album of recordings of Louella Parsons' ""Momentous Tales of Hol-lywood"" was found to belong to Miss Hughes. Fifteen hand-carved Voo-Doo dolls, complete with pins were uncovered in Mr. Nugent's desk drawers. We barely escaped being caught in Dr. Mann's office where we found a 36-lesson corre-spondence course on Memory Im-provement. A wall plaque com-memorating the Purple Cow was found in Mr. Mitchell's section of the Art Department, while we were very surprised to see a Mas- (Continued To The Left) THE GREEN DEAN RIDES AGAIN ... ""BROOM SERVICE"" Presented by The Faculty Players APRIL 1 20-30 IN THE GLEN CIRCULATION - /50,43Z,785,426 Vet Nominees Selected For May Day Queen Six attractive lasses have been selected for nominees for this year's May Queen. The candidates are: extreme left, Moolah Ama-zon; top left to right, Ceil Vague and Peaches Blossom; extreme right, Dictata Empire; bottom left to right, Sa Sa Lamour and Car-mine O'Mara. Moolah Amazon is a well-known sports figure on campus. She is the top player of the Silver Nights. Miss Amazon was STC's Homecoming Queen in 1906. Be-fore coming to Towson, Miss Ama-zon attended Mon Key Institute in Timbuktu, where she majored in Banana Agriculture and minored in Zebra Veterinary Treatments. Thrilled to be nominated as queen, Moola commented: ""Lszaig zmn-rjh tubw!"" Hailing from New Yourg is styl-ish Ceil Vague. The picture above shows Miss Vague modeling the latest fashion creation. She is also featuring the new Wiffle Waffle hair-do. Miss Vague is a member of the Mostest Club here at STC. Miss Peaches Blossom is from Jaw-ja. With a cute Dixie drawl Peaches said: ""Oh, ma goo-ness!"" upon receiving the nomination. She is 6' 11/12"" and ""jes ad000re Yankee Men."" Her picture shows her as Quince Queen of Quaint Quade, located in South Alabama. Claiming direct descendance of Julius Caesar, Dictata Empire was born in the Roman Forum in Rome, Italy. Her hobbies include chariot racing and gladiatorial combats. Dictata is frequently seen on campus walking her pet lion, Nero. Miss Empire remarked ""Quo Vadis"" when she learned of her nomination. Miss Carmine O'Mara is well-known around STC as a member of the infamous Women's Resident Council. Carmine is a very ac-complished and sociable executive. She is pictured enjoying her weekly A.A. Meeting. Miss O'Mara was not in condition to comment on her nomination. Another Eurorpean STC'er nom-inated for Queen is Miss Sa Sa Lamour. Sa Sa is a native-born Hungarian. Before coming to the United States, she starred in sev-eral foreign cinemas. She received a Golden Ham Bone for her role in ""Gertie Goes Goulash."" She co-starred with the handsome Pest Buda. Sa Sa can always be found in the Passion Pit. Briefly . . . Congratulations to Nelson Bol-ender for defeating Dr. Earle T. Hawkins in a recent school-wide election for next year's headmas-ter. ������������������������� Mr. William C. Kramer has been invited to Hollywood to screen test for the forthcoming produc-tion presentation of ""Return of the Native,"" tentatively starring Ma Kettle. ���������11�������������� Towson's answer to Pearl Mesta, Dee Brown gave a sumptuous din-ner party after the recent ""Kiss Me Kate"" production, at which some forty gallons of coffee and three hundred pounds of jelly beans were consumed. 4�����?��?���?�������������� Congratulations to Mr. Frank Guess and Miss Katherine Kahl for their memorable performances in the recent production of ""Kiss Me Kate."" Prayers are requested for the repose of the soul of Bernie Hart-man who entered a monastery late in March. Congratulations to Craig Ger-hard for being chosen costume de-signer for the ""My Fair Lady"" performances scheduled for Ford's this summer. "
