tl19900906_000 "vol. 86 N 1 ""Required lieacling"" Published weekly by the students of Towson State University, Odd Of Crave BY: Woodward, Even Ail m s wers 1 Septenlber 6, 1990 al Sorry Charles. It was neither the best of times, nor the worst of times; it was barely worthy of the New York Times. Simply an odd collage of the times themselves was this past summer, chock full of near-surreal juxtapositions of all-too-real events. If it is true that there is perspective in distance, then this is what our whirling orb looked like from afar this past sweltering season... It was an episode in the continuing saga of ""Celebrities In Prison,"" a series that hopes to expand to a weekly format in the near future, brought to you by the Disappearing Boundaries of Taste Coalition. Two of the latest additions to this growing, star-studded cast were Pete Rose, Charlie Hustle-turned-Mr. Contrition, doing time at a federal prison/tennis club and currently taking odds on his Hall of Fame chances. Call I-900-BET-HERE for an odds update. Also in the slammer this summer was publicity genius Zsa Zsa Gabor, who decided against doing low-profile community service and chose instead a high-profile, catered three day stay at her local jail. Latest reports indicate that Zsa Zsa's bookings have dramatically increased, and that her standing in theIntemational Sisterhood of Sleaze has improved by seven quality points, catapulting her past long-time leader, Joan Collins. Zsa Zsa has released a video of her judicial escapades, and has opened a publicity consulting firm in response to, apparently, hundreds of requests. On other news fronts... While the U.S. Armed Forces were mounting the most massive troop and equipment deployment since WWII, Our President, bent on not becoming a hostage himself, golfed, fished, and speed-boated his way through the ""crisis."" With giant C- 5 cargo planes and troop transports landing every 30 minutes or so in the Saudi desert at an as-yet-undetermined-cost of ?? billion dollars, Our Leader managed to putt badly, hook himself, and require a nautical tow when ""Fidelity,"" his high-speed, gas guzzling Cigarette, went dead in the water. And we were worried about Dan Quayle. Don't know about the age of wisdom, but, yes, Charles, the age of foolishness is booming. For those of you bristling with cyber/techno-phobia, our boys at NASA made a concerted effort this summer to assuage your fears. Appearing at news conferences in propeller hats and Groucho glasses, our nation's most prominent scientists maintained that those multi-billion dollar funhouse mirrors they sent up in the Hubbel telescope are sending back valuable images, youbetcha. In fact, those elongated, distorted views of distant planets so encouraged the space industry that funding for the upcoming NASA Rodeo In The Stars has tripled since the first pictures appeared. Bidding for sponsorship of the event has become a battle between P.T.Bamum and Miller Extra-Lite-Anti-Gravity-Weightless Beer. NASA is, of course, ecstatic with this response and promises to get another shuttle up again real soon. On more local fronts... The spring of hope degenerated rapidly into the winter of despair as the Orioles conducted their summer-long course, Dismal Baseball 101. Matters were not helped at all when it turned into a semi-dreary tomato season as well. If nothing else, local summer produce could always be counted on for gastric relief from disappointing times. This summer, however, a long bout of meteorological mayhem routed any resuscitative potential and tendered the hopeful no respite from the gnawing emptiness brought on by ... the times. And yet, the times roll relentlessly (some might say aimlessly) on, and looking around, one must acknowledge that, yes, there is some apparent direction, for here we are, back for See POLL, page 21 ow�.��OINIIIVIONIIIIIM�11111�MININEIMP/ISMININI�I�11111/INVIMIMMIIIIM�11NOINIONINISWIIINIIMM�11.11Nall��?�� Alledged t rape result of sudent carelessness.Student reservi activation. Pata await age 2 Pao tball, field ho soccer country . , volleyball, ckey, and crossprevews. Page 8 CP�ing t� th PairS.S and City e . p age 20 Late .41 "
