tl19710401-000 "Towerlight Vol. XXIII No. 24 Towson State College, Baltimore, Maryland 21204 lApril 1, 1971 English credits void for graduation The English textbooks pictured above have been found by the Board for Better Colleges unfit to complete requirements for all English courses here at Towson State. Because these texts are unaccredited they can not be used to gain credit in any English course. Students using any one of these texts should read the article to the right immediately. I'm sure you can all remember days upon days when you sat in boring English classes thinking of the million other things you could be doing. But. using your better judgment you stuck it out in class, right? Wrong. It was not using your lxstter judgment to remain in the confines of those yawn-producing, sleep-inflicting ceremonies. You should have gone ahead and washed your car or played that exciting recently discovered game of Klackkers amidst the grassy spots at Towson. The reason is a very absurd one. No. the teachers are not giving blanket A's (although they may as well ix doing as much), but it has recently been discovered by the BBC Board for Better Colleges.) which by the way has seven of their better scholars working full time at Towson State College. that the textbooks currently being prescribed by the honorable Dr. Shaw. do not meet the requirements set up by the AMA Association for Mental Ad-vancements). !fence, the following statement by the BBC: ""Due to no fault of the student body at Towson State College who have been falsely led to believe that the collrge is accredited. but due to the fact that unaccredited material is being used, it becomes our sorrowful duty in the upholding of our interests in the upgrading of all society to declare that no credits from the English depart-ment of said College be recognized 'in the graduation from Towson State College."" The announcement does not come totally as a shock to many here at TSC. for it has been long thought that the English Depart-ment is far below the others, such as the Physics Department whose chalk drawings are among the top contenders for the Nobel Peace Prize. Dr. Shaw has worked tirelessly trying to reach an agreement with ""Board' the and the ""Association,"" but has gotten no where. The Doctor still refuses to disbelieve that Micky Mouse and Donald Duck play an important role in developing literature ex-perts, and that phonics in a necessary supplement. In all due respect, it is this writer's opinion that the gross misunderstanding has to do with the ""Generation Gap."" In the closing remarks of this announcement of the catastrophe, Dr. Shaw expressed the fear that there may be some student violence on campus. He mentioned that unreast had already been running high over the way parking tickets are being given out so freely. He also fears that the burning_ of English textbooks on campus. - Dr. Shaw said that in order to avoid the burning in-cidents, he is considering buying all the textbooks and using them as supplements for his grand-children's libraries. Ile has not yet come up with a solution as to what former English students will now do in the spare time created by the closing of English classes. This whole affair may explain why many ""educators"" from the English department are now playing black-jack for quarters in the lounge. Student parking banned from campus September 1971 will bring a drastic change to the campus of Towson State. Wayne Shelly, Director of Business and Finance, announced a decision today that will end Towson's parking problem and no doubt bring about a more serious problem to commuters. The decision is that cars will not be permitted on the campus at any time. The major reason given for the phenominal change is the third cutback in State funds in the past year. Secondary reasons given by Shelly include ""our never ending parking problem and growing environmental pollution."" In mid-January, a committee was et up by the College to in-vestigate, more thoroughly than ever before, the parking situation. The Parking Committee came up with the conclusion that the parking situation on campus would never he adequate, unless the state allocates more financial aid to Towson. February 11 the Com-mittee made its report to the Department of Planning for the State of Maryland. The State then, instead of grantine more money Student Government donates automatic steps According to a recent news release by Student Government Association President Richard Neidig. the SGA has now raised enough money from the jukebox in the College Centre to purchase a gift for the school. After many time-consuming months, the SGA has now agreed upon the gift--indoor and outdoor two-way escalators from the College Centre to Burdick Hall and Oster Drive. Although the SGA was mainly responsible for this selection. Richard said, the faculty helped the SGA to decide. He commented that the faculty in-sisted that something he done to stop the grotesque sounds of wheezing going on in the classrooms after students climb the steps. It has been arranged that during the warmer months only the outdoor escalators will he used. These huge machines will be quite unique because they will consist of plush chairs instead of the traditional ""standing room only."" During the colder months the indoor escalators will also be in use. These particular machines will go underground. Actually there will be three branches at-tached to Smith Hall, Cook Hall, and Lithicum Hall, will all join at one point--Dr. Fisher's office. According to Neidig, this par-ticular exit was chosen because it is the only place where blasting is not necessary. The construction will begin during the summer in hopes that it will he completed in time for next fall's term. for parking structures as Towson hoped, cut hack all funds related to parking in any way amounting to almost 17 million dollars worth of parking structure, lots, etc. , President Fisher then met with !Shelly and the committee to determine what could be done. It ,was decided that the only possible solution would be to prohibit cars from the campus. Shelly explained the situation, ""After all of our investigation, we found that by Spring 1972, because of enrollment expansion and inadequate state funds, this campus would be in utter chaos. The parking problem is had now, but can you imagine it twice as bad? Well that's what it will be if we continue to use cars as tran-sportation."" When asked how he proposes students get to campus, Shay remarked, ""By bicycle boy Towson will he what we used to call a ""bicycle campus."" It's a lot cheaper and we will be the first to actually do something constructive against pollution from automobile exhaust."" Reactions arouna campus have been mixed. Most students don't believe it. Newly elected SGA President, Mildred Muff called it ""an outrageous move by the ad-ministration to keep student's minds off rioting this Spring."" Gene Dawson, Chief of Security, was somewhat preturbed. ""I travel all the way from the eastern shore every day. A bicycle is out. I'll have to drive to Towson and park off campus."" When asked if a large Security force would still be needed Dawsons said, ""Definitely, bicycles can park illegally too. Certain areas will be designated for faculty, staff, and students as in the past."" The future parking situation on campus is still in question. One element is certain. Bicycle sales are sure to go up. PLEASE NOTE: Tower//gin will not publish this Friday. Next regularly scheduled issue on April 8. Deadline for all copy is noon Monday. "
