tl19680401-000 "SPECIAL TOWSON STATE COLLEGE, BALTIMORE MARYLAND 21204 April 1, 1968 TSC President Moves To Pass All Key Rulings In an unprecidented move to-day, the President of the Col-lege passed key measures affec-tla- R the entire community. The Move was speeded up by his se cretary's locating his file cab- met. End Freeze As the first order of business, the President passed the dress e�de, which the Health Center feels will cut the number of eases of Freshman freeze next winter. The President also submitted a top priority request to the G:Vernor and the Board of 7ustees for an increase in fac-ulty salaries. Sources say this hnl,ay Permit some faculty, abe'ra to afford chalk. Drops Activities After lunch at Augustus', the pre:ident passed proposals ler fraternities and sororities to b, established on campus. ,A,10g the same lines, he told 'nig reporter of his plan to drop illeMbership in non-campus or-g4n1z5ti0n5 and participation in !)c/tira-campus affairs (including , Assoeiation of College Pres- ;clents of South Wigleysquirm, Indiana) in order to devote More time and attention to the eallTh"" as it grows larger. A, 14 an unanticipated move, ''ne president made a firm re"" ,,c1,sueat to ,the Legislature to `uange drinking laws so that everYone on campus could par-take of alcoholic refreshment at 114�el51 events. In addition, the l'esident announced that he join students in a ""HaPPY 4104"" every Friday night. 'Super Giant' Also making news today was e"" Orielle Rumphy. The Dean Visited the College Store where h v e Paused to admire the wide ls,ietY of merchandise avail-at: e there. Likening the Store 0 �a veritable Super Giant"" in 1141. midst, the Dean expressed (1)e for further growth in this are,a. ""No* that a d_ ,n,ed eundl- 1,� [tit the pre. ""' I would tt to announ e,_ ee h _ I stand. I �14,41 o plat- WI of Sh4. neuerleart 1: IUO Would 14.to tethot tu le to elOop I, OIU""'dining &lid tqd ""I"""" calling althY rotlOn-oc orne-eallIng ts have ''`""Thundercolt America's favorie, Thundercolt, demonstrates his love for his furry friends by polishing up the ""Wildlife Preserve"" in Towson's Glen. He feels animal alliances have been one of the great ne-lected issues in on-and off-campus elections. Buried Bones Beget Big B. C. Bonus Boon While �xcavating for the foundation of the library exten-sion, workmen of the Durty- Wight Construction Co. un-earthed artifacts of an ancient Cartheginian trading settle-ment last Friday. Moose Meatball, crack bulldozer jockey for the firm was clearing off a layer of sureptuous clay when he happened to no-tice the body of a Car-theginian warrior in full battle array. Thinking something was amiss, ball notified Irving Durty, co-owner of the company, who in turn notified the morgue. Mort Ishun, medical examin-er of Baltimore County arrived on the scene and, after finding no draft card, welfare checks, Diners Club cards or lottery tickets in the Stiff's purse, de-termined him to be a remnant of an earlier time. Tishun then in his turn passed the buck on to the Smithsonian Institute. When Dr. Doug Under of the Institute arrived, he carbon-dated the corpse and ascertained it to be of Cartheginian descent of the 3rd century B. C. Among interesting charac-teristics of the stiff was a well-curletd Cartheginian beard, a stub for his space-tunic at the SPQR hand laundry, and his well preserved, intricate bronze armor�made in British Hong-Kong. This find has had profound effects on academic circles and ethnic organizations as well. The Yale University history faculty fell into a quandry� now that this find indicates neither Columbus 'nor Leif Er-icson discovered America. And the Sons of Scandinavia as well as the Sons of Italy will protest the find next week. Much thought has been given to closing TSC to pursue this scientific boon. But the question still remains: Will the old bones around this campus be removed, that the search for knowledge not be impeded? Building Inspector Ends Survey of Structures Towson campus buildings and has issued his sixty-eight page report on his findings. The report shows that all buildings on campus, with the exception of Lida Lee Tall, are unsafe for habitation. Particu-larly offensive, the report con-tinues, were Linthicum Hall's third-floor, the Student Centre's first-floor, Van Bokkelen Hall's first-floor period, and the first, second and third floors, walls, and ceilings of Stephens Hall. The report went on to ignore Richmond and Newell Halls and to condemn Ward and West. The recommendations of the (Continued on p. 2) The Maryland State Building Inspector has this week comple-ted an intense investigation of Nemesis of Evil Tosses Mask into Presidential Ring, Aims for Public Political Purity TOWSON (April 1)�Thundercolt, renowned Tow-er Light columnist and nemesis of evil, speaking in a special press conference here today, officially threw his mask into the political ring. Having spent laborious hours searching his psyche in the brown study of his all-American farmhouse home, nestled in the quiet hills of Dundalk, Thund-ercolt announced his candidacy for the Presidency of the Unit-ed States. Pressman Presses For Thundercolt's Pres. Candidacy BALTIMORE (April 1)� Baltimore City Comptroller re-plied today to the announcement of the candidacy of Thundercolt for the Presidency. In a letter to this paper, Mr. Pressman wrote: Photo by Fabian-Bachrach You need not be a sage or a psalmist To know that Thunder-colt is a columnist. But do you know that this prolific gent Is starting his campaign for president? He'll put an end to riots and war. He'll give every Towson student a car. He'll guarantee to give everyone A's And every professor will get a raise. You'll all have castles, limousines and boats. All he needs is to get your votes. Thundercolt could not imme-diately be reached for comment following Mr. Pressman's ver-sical reply. Quote from Mr. Spicey: ""1 didn't think that the Presi-dent meant it when he said, 'Rats to you!' "" ""I am running independent of any party affiliation,"" ex-claimed the masked do-gooder. ""And I intend to run on the sheer native humility mate in the American character."" Im-mediately upon finishing his statement, the hero was struck by a barrage of inquisitions, but was not severely injured. Upon recovering, Thundercolt an-swered some questions put to him. Enumerating his qualifica-tions for the office, Thundercolt listed his journalistic prowess, 'his subscription to Time, and his fondness for barbecues and white houses in general; he al-so cited the ""A"" he got in eighth grade U.S. History. ""And be-sides, my Mom makes the best apple pie in the whole country!"" On major iSS114213, Thunder-colt made no policy statement, except to give them the old boy scout try. ""Most of my oppon-ents don't have solutions�why should I? In fact, several of my opponents refuse to believe sit-uations exiist,"" quipped the quiet Quixote. This release was received by the various political camps with mixed emotions. Harsh reaction came from 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue. The resident at this address remarked, ""That's the ugliest thing I ever saw!"" This resident also expressed disgust at Thundercolt's clean-cutted-ness and virginal attitudes. Towson campus political boss, Robert ""Boss"" Cullison likened the campaign of Thundercolt to that of Mr. Patrick Paulson. However, Cullison noted, ""that Thundercolt has the note of ser-iousness which Mr. Paulson lacks. However, there are other issues."" - Flush The abyss where tto gym once stood will not be the fu-ture site of a library addi-tion as previously planned. Rather, it will be the site of the science building addition and is to be used for the Or nithology course being of.. fered next semester It will consist entirely of one large bird bath. "
